It's Like I Don't Even Know You
Dating App: Tinder
Location: Bar, Melbourne, Australia
Day/Time: Wednesday, early evening
Not His Real Name: Joe
At the time of matching on Tinder, I sent a message to Joe, “hi how are you doing?”
A few weeks later he responded apologising profusely, saying he’d missed my initial message and had he seen it earlier he would have written back straight away. He suggested meeting up that night and I was feeling spontaneous, so I agreed. There was very little information in his profile, no key stats and he only had one picture displayed. One picture, I’ve decided, is a concern. No good has come from me meeting anyone with just one picture of themselves. If you’re going to the effort of putting together an online dating profile, include more than one image and make sure they’re all clear, and of you. The one pic he did have was nice, I was attracted enough so I buried any doubts and went for it.
I was actually looking forward to sitting across from someone pleasing to the eye, I felt like a bit of attention, flirting a little and thought he’d be a great foil for that, even if it ended up going nowhere. On my way to the bar Joe messaged letting me know where he was sitting, so when I arrived I headed that way, only to see saw one man in that particular spot. It didn’t look like him so I continued walking past thinking I may have mis-read his message. The next thing, I see this particular man who couldn’t be Joe, wave his hand in my direction. At that point I realised it WAS Joe, but that he bared almost no resemblance to his picture!
My heart dropped and frustration rose. I just wasn’t in the mood for ‘giving it a go’ that night. Already feeling despondent about some recent dating interludes, I was really hoping for the winds of change to breeze through this evening. I wanted connection, spark, but what I actually got was a short, much older and far less attractive version of what his picture had indicated. Jo gave me a big smile and immediately went to get us drinks. Perhaps he could see my surprise and wanted to give me time to digest the situation. Being a busy, hip, new bar it was a while before he managed to return with the drinks. At that point he actually remarked
“Oh you’re still here?”.
Yes I’m still here because it would be rude to up and leave a date within the first 5 minutes. Kind of in the same way it would be rude to put a picture of someone else on your profile and expect your date to be ok with it. (?!)
When I got home I did some Googling and found a real picture of him. I compared it to his fake dating profile picture – two completely different people.
So incredibly annoying. It makes you feel stupid, duped and there’s not much you can do about it. Unless you call it out and make a scene and it gets awkward, I just couldn’t do that. The truth is, had he used a legitimate picture of himself, I wouldn’t have met up with him. Where does it get you though really? Trust is gone before you even say hello and you almost feel like you’re there under false pretences.
Anyway, I sucked it up.
Turns out we had culture and community in common so it felt like talking to an older, slightly cringe-worthy uncle. He was nice enough and quite well connected. He gave me his card and said to email him regarding potential job opportunities. This is why I always say even if it’s not the right guy for you there may still be potential in other areas like friendship, work, networking etc.
I did email him. He responded to say he’d pass my details on to his contacts. I never heard back. Needless to say our date was short lived but eye opening and as we hit the one hour mark I encouraged the conclusion of the evening. On the plus side he gave me a lift home in his Tesla – geez they’re great cars.
Surely you have a ‘fake profile pic’ story or a tale about meeting someone who looked incredibly different from their pictures?
If you do, leave a comment below or contact me and tell me all about it!