Yay, It’s Valentines Day…Again
My timing is terrible.
When I’ve been in relationships or in the first flourishes of lust, it very rarely seems to be over Valentine’s Day. This year is no different. Yay me. And like I say every year – “Next year I’ll definitely be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day.”
(Let’s just see how that goes shall we).
Despite all of that, I LOVE Valentine’s Day. I know it’s schlock and a revenue raiser for the restaurants and chocolate companies but I love the ‘over-the-topness’ of it. Yeeeees you should express love for your partner every day, absolutely, in fact it’s one of my top suggestions for a loving relationship, but let’s face it, who actually does it? No one I know. In that case, bring on V Day! I love love, I love romance and I love to be romanced. I could think of nothing better than buying my partner flowers, gifts or trinkets and going for a romantic meal to revel in each other’s company, even if it is because Hallmark sanctioned it.
Any opportunity to stop and focus on your partner is invaluable, especially if it’s on a prescribed day! We need to make time for each other, tell our significant other that we love them and we need to hear that they love us. It’s true of course that Valentine’s Day isn’t always the fairytale that corporations make it out to be. Relationships can be awkward and can be made more so by the spotlight of Valentine’s Day’s. A perfect example of Valentine’s Day awkwardness is the last time I was in relationship on February 14.
It was 2015.
I was seeing someone I really liked. Sure, there were issues but I was committed to working through them. But enough of that! It was Valentine’s Day and I had a boyfriend! Yay, finally! However, unlike me, it was particularly difficult for him, someone so unused to expressing himself emotionally and not a fan of parting with cash. The weekend prior to Valentine’s Day, I brought it up in discussion. No surprises, it wasn’t a day he felt particularly strongly about but was keen to understand my expectations for the day. Or rather he was keen to set his expectations.
“So what is it you want to do?’ he asked.
Trying to be conservative and not too much of a diva, I responded “It doesn’t have to be a big deal, exchanging flowers is fine.”
“OK that’s good, coz you know some women expect jewellery and all the rest of it.”
God forbid. The day arrived and I booked a table for us at a steakhouse. Yes I would have preferred something a bit more romantic but he suggested it, remembering perhaps it was one we both really liked. Although I think he’d actually suggested it because it was close to where he lived and not too romantic. Clearly, a romantic at heart he was not. He did end up buying me a bunch of beautiful red and white roses, which even though they’d come from the flower truck near his house, I was particularly impressed.
In an effort of restraint, I’d bought him a lovely, single, long stemmed rose a day earlier and dropped it around to his place, along with a very sweet card. Nothing too full on just an acknowledgement of him as a person, how much I enjoyed his company and letting him know I was looking forward building on what we had. His flowers didn’t come with a card and although I know he struggled to express emotion, I kind of thought he may have scribbled something down, given the relevance of the day. But, not to be.
Receiving the roses was a bit strange as well. He didn’t have them when he answered his front door, preferring me to find them lying on the bench, which I did and thanked him for somewhat excitedly. It was still really nice to receive something romantic from him, even if it was prearranged with laser-like precision. As I sat at the kitchen bench and ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’, he came around to give me a kiss. An odd half hug accompanied a very self aware kiss of sorts, it was all very weird. We then walked up to the steak house hand in hand and had a lovely meal. The steaks at this place are the best. Seriously!
I did think that going out for dinner, with my boyfriend, on Valentine’s Day might give us an opportunity to talk a bit about us as a couple, perhaps go deeper and discover something new or express how we felt about each other.
We ended up talking about U2’s back catalogue, almost all night. Don’t get me wrong I love U2, they’re my favourite band of all time in fact and on any other night I’d be happy to talk about how Unforgettable Fire is as relevant today as when it came out in 1984, or that their 90s albums are equally as good as those of the 80s but for different reasons (controversial, I know), and the only album of the naughties I can listen to from start to finish is ‘How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb.’
But even for me it was too much.
I was more than happy to cease the U2 talk and concentrate on Us2. It just didn’t happen. As much as I adored my boyfriend at the time (not loved, adored), there were many reasons we broke up, some of them clearly obvious in this story. Anyway, as Valentine’s Day 2017 approaches, I can once again, honestly say that I would so love to be sharing it with someone special but it’s just not on the cards for me. It will be another year of unavoidable loved up couples, tables for two and public displays of affection.
As much as it makes me cringe, I’d be doing exactly the same thing if I was partnered up.
So my point remains, take advantage of the big day. Make an effort! Be with the one you love/ the one you’re with and show them you care. And if you don’t want to ‘because it’s Valentine’s Day’, then commit to doing something special another day or something more regularly.
We live once, why not take advantage of commodified days of love? Who cares?
It’s also guaranteed sex! Come on people get with the program